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Great sex is possible even with a house full of kids. Most parents with kids can confess to having less sex than when the kids weren’t there. Whether yours is a toddler or a teenager, the key to maintaining a healthy sex life is by striking a balance.
Neither parent can tell when the perfect opportunity to sneak away will come. Being open to getting down and dirty anytime anywhere in the house can make sex a wonderful experience. One that both partners look forward to.
A kid’s first idea of sex often happens when they hear or walk in on their parents doing the deed. The thought of it is what runs shivers down the spines of many parents. ‘I don’t want to rip my child’s sense of innocence,’ as most parents put it.
But at what expense is a sexless marriage? Read on to find ways to keep up an active sex life even with kids around.
Becoming a Parent Doesn’t Have to Extinguish the Flame
Kids are a delightful presence in any home. But they also mean no sex for many couples. Owing to the stress of making sure the kids are healthy and safe, there’s barely time left for the mother to turn her attention to her husband, let alone herself.
According to a study on ResearchGate, parents have a somewhat satisfying sex life. The blame often goes to moms who either let themselves go or can’t balance motherhood and marriage.
Becoming a parent is like a bump on the road. You’ll have to slow down a little on the sex, but why should you stop moving?
Marriage Shouldn’t Be BORING!
Boring, depressing, stressful, and exhausting is how most people would describe their marriage. With the right approach, however, marriage can be incredibly rewarding.
- How can I keep my marriage interesting?
- Make it a habit to say thank you
- Schedule regular date nights
- Make your relationship a priority
- Learn how to agree and disagree without hurting each other
- Kiss more
- Have great sex
There’s a lot more you can do to keep your marriage exciting. Above are a few tips to point you in the right direction.
Are You TIRED of Always Being Too Tired for Sex?
New parents can stop having sex for years. By the time the kids are all grown, and out of the house, it’s probably too late to start where you left off.
Are you tired of always being too tired for sex?
If yes, delegate! Being a parent doesn’t mean handling everything yourself. Get help! Nannies, close family, and friends can come in handy. Once or twice every week, find a day when you have someone you trust come over and take care of the kids.
On this day, don’t think about the kids. Sleep a little longer, go for a spa day, get your hair done, do some shopping, or meet friends. Later in the day, plan a romantic evening out with your partner. Chances are you’ll ruffle under the sheets quite literally when the day is done.
Sex is like a plant. If you neglect it and refuse to water it, it will die. The better you are at self-care, the easier it will be to re-energize and make time for sex.
How to Manage Sex When You Have a Newborn Baby at Home
A newborn baby means working around the clock with no breaks for the parents. From diaper changes, breastfeeding, rocking the baby to sleep, receiving visitors, cleaning the house, and so much more, you barely have time for a nap!
Quickies are Your Friend
If yours is a light sleeper, even the slightest noises will get your newborn screaming their lungs out. It only stops when mom or dad holds them. Frustration creeps in when all you do is take care of your newborn while sex-starved.
Let’s be honest, quickies are the only way new parents can get some hot action.
The first chance you get after the baby sleeps, have a quickie. If your mom or a trusted visitor comes to help with the baby, dash into the bathroom and have a quickie.
There are countless quickie chances, even with a newborn in the house. You have to be on the lookout and waste no chance.
Quick Tips for Quick Encounters
Here are some tips on how to have quick great sex.
Planning allows your mind to stay prepared. If you plan to have sex when the baby sleeps, you’ll have no problem
Find Some Time Alone
Safe to say, it’s extremely hard to get in the mood when you have company or in the child’s presence. Having a newborn means you can’t be away for too long. Schedule a few hours in the day when you can have someone take care of the baby. Aim to spend some intimate time alone with your spouse for the remaining hours.
Get Comfortable with Skipping Things
As long as it doesn’t put the baby in danger, it’s ok to skip some things to spend time with your partner. If, for example, you have play-time at a specific time of the day. It could be you have a meet-up with friends at your favorite spot.
Don’t beat yourself about skipping these things to attend to your physical needs.
Sex can become monotonous after a while. To get things more exciting, why not start using sex toys? Your body may not be ready for sex by the time the perfect opportunity for a quickie presents itself. There are countless sex toy options you could try to improve the experience.
Touching yourself is labeled taboo amongst married couples. However, penetrative sex isn’t the only way to get sexual gratification. Try co-masturbation and notice how much closer you and your partner become.
Go for Quickies
With no time for rest or adequate sleep, it’s hard to imagine you have time for making out. With a newborn around, start getting used to the idea that quickies are the only way you will be having sex for a long time coming.
Shake Things Up
Sex can happen anywhere, not only on the bed. The kitchen, garage, bathroom are a few examples where you can have mind-blowing quickies. Throw in some seductive lingerie, flowers, and chocolate to get things even more exciting.
Try Hotel Sex
Need a change of scenery? Why not book a hotel room? You don’t need to stay there for the whole day. Book the room for a few hours, get naked fast and do the happy dance.
Keep It Fresh
Self-care and hygiene can take a back seat for women who have newborns. Motherhood shouldn’t overshadow your need for self-care. No one wants to have sex with a partner whose hair is not done, hasn’t showered for days, and reeks of breast milk.
Major Tip: Don’t Sleep with the Kids
Despite your natural instinct to stay near your kid, especially while you’re asleep, avoid sleeping in the same bed with them. Intimacy is impossible when there’s a child/children separating the two of you in bed.
It’s advisable to let the kids sleep in another room so you and your partner can be together at night. Buy a baby monitor, so you still keep a close eye on how your baby is.
Frequently Asked Questions
How often do married couples (particularly with children) have sex?
Married couples with kids can have sex as many times as they want. The number of times they do narrows down to their sexual drive. Some married couples have sex more than others, even with kids around.
Are you having less sex than you’d like? Some adjustments you can make to support your goal to have more sex include;
Locking your door and making sure your kids are asleep at night
Going to bed looking and smelling clean with attractive nightwear or nothing at all
Making the first move. A bit too much to ask, especially if you are a shy one. But hey, it’s time to go when the lights go red.
Have Fun. It’s sex, not a chore. Let loose, enjoy!
Communicate as often as possible with your partner. Be open about new stuff both of you are open about bringing in to make life and sex more rousing.
How do parents have sex without their children knowing?
When the kids are out of sight, you can have sex without them knowing. Now, these are kids, you may not see them, but chances are they are in your closet hiding away hot in a game of hide-and-seek. Make sure that when the kids are out of sight, they are completely out of sight!
The best chance to have sex without the kids knowing is when they;
Are outside playing
Are at the neighbor’s, relatives’, or friend’s house
Are at home, and you are away for date night with your spouse
The more creative you are, the easier it will be to realize how easy it is to have sex without the kids knowing. Note, sex can happen any time of day not only at night.
Do couples stop having sex after they’ve had kids?
It’s ironic that the very result of a loving couple (the baby or children), is the same obstacle that makes sex life complicated onwards.
It definitely makes things complicated for married couples, as this beautiful little creation sucks most of your time. But also, woman experience normal but psychological changes postpartum that take a toll on their sexual desires. It takes time to recover not only the body but also the mind.
Oxytocin has a key role here. Whereas before this hormone was responsible for feelings of love and affection during sex, it creates similar feelings while caring to the child. Not sexual feelings but of closeness.
This disconnect can leave partners feeling forgotten, but it’s just a matter of understanding and communication. It does make things harder, but a healthy relationship can always work things out.
How often do married couples with a toddler have sex?
Toddlers can complicate your sex life. If you are not careful, you could go for months or even years without sex only because you are a new parent. Married couples with older kids have sex much more than couples with toddlers.
If you want to have more sex with a toddler around, you must master how to do it quickly. Not the best thing, especially when it takes your body time to get in the mood or if you are tired.
But, you have to adjust, mentally, physically, and emotionally to make quickies your best friend.
Start by forgetting your usual sexual preferences, acts, and sequences. Now, you have a kid to take care of. While the child’s well-being is essential, so is yours. Know when to prioritize yourself and when to prioritize your toddler. This is the only way you can make sure you don’t end up never having sex.
What does having your first child do to your sex life?
Life and physical changes can shadow one’s view of sex. Accept that these changes happen. Instead of worrying and wallowing over what your life has become, do something about it.
If you think you’ve added too much weight, start working out. If you need an emotional boost, confide in your partner and get the support you seek. Should you need to work on your confidence, listen to motivational podcasts and talk to other first-time mothers.
Anything to get you feeling better and sexy again. Having a child is never a death sentence to your sex life. You’ll be surprised that for many, sex gets better after they have kids.
Learning how to have sex when you have kids can be difficult. Be creative and spice up your sex life with the above tips. Great sex is an essential ingredient for every marriage. You can avoid a sex-starved marriage by following the mentioned tips and learning from expert talks on TEDx Talks.
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Deborah is our in-house researcher with a reputation for accurate and reliable research. This is truly evident from the articles she writes which are always accurate and reliable. Born and raised in the US, she believes that women and their sexuality are often repressed by society. She believes sex needs to be normalized and women’s pleasure must be made a priority., Deborah specializes in writing some of the most well-informed articles on sex toys for women.